Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Past as Prologue

Though it is a tad early for New Year's related thoughts, I have to admit that I am more than ready for 2008 to come to an end. Yes, I am trying to rush it through. This has been one of the most stressful years that I can remember, primarily because of the various ups and downs I've experienced in the last twelve months.

I began the year feeling concerned about the changes that i felt (instinctively) were coming. I was excited to turn 40. I left a job that was brilliant on paper, but I needed to leave. I felt the light leaving my personality, and nothing is ever worth that. I decided that I wanted to put myself out into the dating world more aggressively, and it led to some interesting encounters (each of which has taught me more about myself). I've been able to connect with a number of old friends and cronies through Facebook, and it's been a blast. I was a witness, with the planet, to the election of Barack Obama.

Conversely, I lost my uncle Joe in March, and that was a huge blow to my family. I was dismayed by the passage of Proposition 8 (as well as the other anti-gay measures in AZ, AR and FL), and the concomitant ire that event raised between the African American and GLBT communities. I was (and remain) saddened by the collapse of the economy, which has adversely affected my own job prospects (particularly with the Smithsonian). And one would never know by the coverage that we are still in the midst of two wars.

I've learned so much about myself this year, some good lessons and others not so good. I've also been tested in terms of my work, my finances and relationships. Yet, I've never felt more free. I feel like I've taken the wheel again. It's a bit frightening, but it really feels good.

So, I am confident that 2009 will be a year of awakenings. I hope each of those awakenings moves me toward becoming the person I want to be. Lord just get me through these remaining weeks of 2008. I am in desperate need of a new beginning.

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